


Remember when...

by PoemAboutCitylights



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Angst, False Memories, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm a sucker for happy endings, M/M, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-04-28 13:56:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoemAboutCitylights/pseuds/PoemAboutCitylights
Summary: Dan crashes into Max and ends up in a hospital.However, he is lucky because he remembers exactly what has happened.For example that he's dating Max and that they're boyfriends.Now the only problem is that they actually aren't and Max has to follow the doctor's orders to play along with Dan's false memories to let his brain recover.





	1. What friends do

It all happens within the blink of an eye.  
One second Max is watching out for Dan through the mirror, the other Dan is trying to overtake him by cutting the corner and filling the space.  
Only, there isn't such a thing as "space" and the Aussie should know that pretty damn well, so no way Max is going to let him push him off the track.  
He keeps his steering wheel in place, waits for Dan to brake and fall back behind him, but none of that happens and with a speed that knocks the oxygen out of Max's chest and pushes his head to the side, Daniel crashes into him before everything goes black.

 

When Max wakes up, he doesn't feel anything at first, apart from a very dry mouth. Slowly, he cracks one eye open and then another, discovering that he's lying in a hospital bed.  
He feels panic rising in his throat, wriggles his toes, his hands, his head, but everything feels normal and he lets out a relieved sigh.  
"Mr. Verstappen!" someone calls and Max's gaze falls onto a doctor that is standing in the doorway, smiling politely.  
"Wh-what happened?" Max tries to ask but his mouth is too dry to actually form words and the doctor comes rushing in with a glass of water.  
He waits patiently while Max drinks and feels better immediately, sitting up in the bed.  
He repeats his question once he finds himself feeling, well, not _good_ , but at least okay, apart from the biting pain in his shoulder.

"There has been a race accident", the doctor explains and the Dutch remembers, "your team mate, Daniel Ricciardo, apparently crashed into you while trying to overtake."  
Max clenches his teeth.  
And they say _he_ is the idiot who ruins things for the team.  
Thanks for nothing.  
"Where is he? Is he okay?" Max asks, less because he's really concerned and more because he wonders whether Dan would take a punch in the face for the Harakiri maneuver.  
The doctor's face falls and the young Dutch frowns.  
"Mr. Ricciardo seems to be severely injured. His head was hit by debris and he hasn't woken up yet. We're still doing our very best to get him back to consciousness as soon as possible."

Max's stomach drops at the words.  
He opens his mouth but doesn't know what to say, mainly because he's still angry at Dan and their relationship hasn't been the best lately, not with the heavy mistakes Max has made during some races nor the increasing rivalry within the team.  
However, that is of course no reason to not worry about the Australian. Even if their friendship has suffered a lot lately, Max still cares about Dan and he swallows hard.  
"Can I see him?"  
The doctor smiles apologetically and picks up a clipboard, "Not yet, I'm afraid. We've got to make some check ups with you before you'll be able to leave. But he might be awake already once we're done."  
Max nods and gets up slowly.

 

When the Dutch is eventually allowed to leave, as the doctors are of the opinion that he was really lucky and wasn't harmed seriously, apart from his bruised shoulder that might take a few weeks to be back to normal, he asks the way to the intensive care unit.  
It's easy to spot Dan's room, as Fernando, Nico H., Sebastian and Lewis are waiting in front of it, faces serious.  
"Is he awake?" Max asks, standing in the hallway without really knowing what he's supposed to do, "can I go in?"  
Sebastian is the first to stand up and puts a hand on his shoulder.  
"He's woken up, yeah. How are you, though? Everything okay?"  
Max nods and turns around to open the door to Dan's room but Lewis holds him back, his grip too strong for the Dutch to shrug it off.  
"Man, it's tough..." the Brit runs a hand through his short curls and sighs, "so, take it easy on him, 'kay? I'm sure he didn't want to end your race."  
"We'll discuss that," Max answers and pushes past Lewis' body, who exchanges a worried glance with Fernando.

When Max steps into the room, he feels lost instantly. And guilty.  
Dan is lying in a big hospital bed, his tanned skin a harsh contrast to the white sheets and there's a hose in his nose, apparently helping him breathing.  
His face is covered in bruises, some have been looked after by the doctors already, and he's wearing a ruff to keep his head still.  
Christian is standing in the corner of the room and Dan's physio is sitting next to the bed.  
Max aims for the empty chair next to him and steps closer with a big lump forming in his throat.

"Hey," he manages to say and Dan slightly lifts his head. Once he catches sight of the Dutch, his eyes light up and Max wonders whether Dan is angry at him, for some reason.  
But then Dan lets out a sigh and something close to a sob and his whole face lights up in an instant.  
"Maxy!" Max jumps at the old nickname that he hasn't heard in a while but Dan ignores it and sits up in his bed shakily.  
"Gosh, you're okay, thank God," the Aussie says and there's something in his voice, something that goes beyond relief, that confused the young Dutch.  
"I'm fine. How about you?"  
Dan shrugs his shoulder and hisses in pain, before something close to a smile breaks loose on his lips.  
"A little groggy, that's for sure. And you really are okay?"

Max nods once again, at least he isn't the one that fell into a coma, he thinks.  
He then sits down next to Dan's physio and shoots Christian a look that's asking for help.  
He really doesn't know what he is supposed to say.  
Initially, he wanted to come here to talk some sense into Dan, as the Aussie had done exactly that whenever it had been Max that had caused a collision, but Dan surely isn't in the condition for that right now, so he'll have to postpone that.

"Maxy, I'm so sorry... I never wanted to... I... The thought that you could have been severely hurt by my actions... Forgive me, please," there it is again, that noise that resembles a sob and Max almost gapes at his team mate, because what the fuck?  
Since when are they that emotional around the other?  
Sure, it's _Dan_ , but still?  
And yet, things only get weirder when the Aussie suddenly takes Max's hand in his and runs his fingers over the back of his hand, almost comfortingly so.  
Max wants to draw his hand back, because _really_ , what the _fuck_ does Dan think he's doing, but for some fucked up reason he doesn't.  
He just stares at their hands and then stares at Dan, who is looking at him with fond eyes and Max freezes.

But before he can open his mouth, to ask for an explanation or call the Aussie out on this bullshit, Dan sits up some more and pulls Max in, his arms stronger than the Dutch would have expected them to be.  
It's only when Dan is coming closer and closer, eventually closing his eyes, that Max realizes that the Australian is going to _kiss_ him.  
"What the fuck? Dan? What?!"  
He pushes back the other driver and and wipes the back of his hands over his mouth, to get rid of the imaginary feeling Dan has left.  
He feels his heart racing in his chest and he stares at his team mate in horror.  
Dan seems to be equally shocked, confusion written all over his face, along with something else that Max identifies as hurt.

"Come on, Max, it's just Christian and Sam. They would have found out sooner or later anyway."  
"Found out WHAT?!"  
Dan gapes at him and Christian repeats Max's question with narrowed brows.

"That we're dating? That I'm your boyfriend?"  
Max hears Dan's words but he cannot process them.  
He stares at the Australian, stares and stares, until he can't help but let out a laugh.  
"Okay, where are the cameras? Is this some sort of joke? For the Red Bull promotion?"  
He half expects Dan to break into a fits of giggles now that Max has found out what all this is about, but the older driver remains still while his lips silently form the word "joke?".  
But Seb and Lewis and Nando don't come rushing into the room to see his dumb face, and suddenly the doctor's words drool on Max.  
And _no_ , this just cannot be true, this can't be his life.  
"Boyfriend," Max says and the word alone feels weird on his tongue, while Dan simply nods.  
"Boyfriend..." Christian repeats and Max turns around to face the head of the team.  
"Max, we've got to talk. Now."

"So... Let me repeat it again..." the doctor says and his gaze flickers between Max and Christian, "Mr. Ricciardo is of the opinion that you are his boyfriend? That you are dating?"  
"Yes," Christian answers and runs his hand across his face in a _why is this my life_ kind of way.  
Max agrees silently.  
"And you're not?"  
"Of course not. I'd... I would never date Dan. Isn't that obvious? We're team mates. And I'm not gay."

The doctor nods and scribbles something down on his documents.  
"I'm afraid that Mr. Ricciardo is suffering a form of amnesia."  
"Amnesia? But Dan isn't forgetting things... He's making them up!"  
The doctor nods patiently and goes on with his explanation.  
"That is actually not new. Not exactly common but we have had patients like him before. To fill in the memory gaps, the brain is able to make up scenarios that have never happened. It reduces the stress level and benefits the healing."  
"The..." Max groans and leans back against the wall.  
"Is this permanent?" Christian asks and Max's gaze shoots up in panic.  
"Most of the time it isn't. It should wear off, rather sooner than later, once Mr. Ricciardo recovers from the trauma. All his brain needs is time. And time to relax, of course."  
"And what does this mean?" Max asks, getting a hint of what all this talking is leading up to and it makes him feel sick.

"For the recovery, a low level of stress is essential. Considering that, I would propose for you to just play along with Mr. Ricciardo's... new reality."  
Max doesn't say anything in reply, he simply stares at the doctor and then at Christian, seeking for help, but his boss looks just as clueless as he does.  
"But he's a Formula 1 driver! That's basically the definition of STRESS. He should be used to it!"  
The doctor raises a brow, "It's clear that Mr. Ricciardo won't be able to drive a car for a few weeks, if not months, isn't it?"  
Max and Christian let out a frustrated groan at the very same time and the Dutch shakes his head while his hands form fits.  
What did he do to deserve this?  
"Mr. Verstappen... Please keep in mind that this scenario, of you two dating, is real for Mr. Ricciardo at the time. Confronting him with _our_ reality would damage his recovery heavily. It might even cause him to be stuck in those false memories."  
"Forever?"  
"Forever."  
Max feels like he has to throw up.  
No way he can let that happen.  
He grits his teeth and looks at the doctor.  
"How long? How long will I have to play along?"  
"A few days... Up to a week, maybe. Maybe longer. No one can know for sure."

The both of them look after the doctor when he eventually slips back into Daniel's room and Max doesn't meet Christian's eyes, until the older one places a hand on Max's shoulder and gives him a sympathetic squeeze.  
"How are we going to do this?"  
"There isn't a race next week end... So... I know Dan has rented an apartment and you're going to share it with him."  
"What?! No!"  
"Max... I don't think you have a choice. I don't expect you to be his _boyfriend_ , I expect you to do the job and get him back into a car as soon as possible."  
Max growls, "But there's a testing week ahead! How am I supposed to look after him when I'm in the car all day?"  
Christian lets out a snort and the Dutch squints his eyes at the older one.  
"Of course you aren't. I'm letting neither of you into a car as long as Dan is convinced that you're shagging."  
Max nearly gulps.

"That's not my fucking fault! Nothing of this is! It's Dan that crashed, remember?!"  
"Be real, Max. You're not able to drive with your hurt shoulder, anyways. And you know what? You're not sounding like a friend at all, right now. Dan would do this for you without thinking twice."  
Unbelievable.  
Max shakes his head and kicks the wall.  
"So what?! I'm not Dan! Maybe I'm not even his friend! You don't make friends in Formula 1! It's not my fault and it's not fucking _fair_."  
Christian's eyes are sparking with anger when he places a hand on Max's shoulder and comes threateningly closer.  
"We're a team, Max. You understand that? And if you decide to let the team down, then I swear to you, you'll regret it faster than you can even spell 'Formula 1'. You get that?"

Yes, Max gets that, so he storms off without saying a single word, passing the other drivers that are still waiting in front of Dan's room.  
"Congrats, Brendon, I think you just got promoted."

 

 


	2. First dates

Fortunately, Max is busy for the rest of the day with giving interviews and talking to his mechanics, explaining to the team that Pierre and Brandon would do the Red Bull testing while he'd look after Daniel.  
He knows that everyone is pissed off by the Australian's maneuver and Max doesn't tell them about the stories that Dan's injured brain is making up, for it wouldn't do any good for either of them.  
Plus, he's a little embarrassed by it.  
Just the thought of him and Dan, _dating_ , is absolutely ridiculous and he really does not know how he is supposed to act along with it.  
Lately, he wouldn't even know how to act like a friend around Daniel.

The Aussie is allowed to leave the hospital the next day and Christian sends Max to pick the older driver up.  
He's already waiting outside, talking to one of his doctors when Max parks his car in front of the building.  
"Are you sure he's ready to leave?" Max asks and ignores Dan's burning glances.  
"Yes, there's nothing we can do. Mr. Ricciardo, you will need to rest and relax."  
Dan wiggles his eyebrows and a wide grin spreads on his lips, "Relax? I think I can do that."  
Max actually doubts that but doesn't say anything.  
Instead, he opens the door of the car for the Australian and helps him climb into the passenger seat.  
Once Max starts the engine, Dan lets out a deep sigh and Max can feel his intense glance on his skin but keeps his gaze fixed on the road, swallowing hard.

"How are you feeling?" he manages to ask, because isn't that what a boyfriend would do? Care?  
"Much better," the smile is evident from Dan's tone, the Dutch doesn't even have to turn his head to know that, "I'm just happy that I can go home now."  
"Well, not exactly _home_. We're not going to Monaco, Christian said we'll stay at the apartment you rented for the testing days."  
Dan seems to nod, before he remembers that each movements hurts and lets out a hiss.  
"That's fine as well. As long as you're with me."  
Dan's voice is soft, as if he is testing the waters, and Max turns to face him.  
The Aussie's dark eyes are big and also a little scared, "I'm sorry, Max."  
The Dutch nearly chokes and the car jumps forward when Dan places a hand on his thigh and palms his skin gently.  
"I should... I didn't have the right to out you in front of Christian and Sam... It's... I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself because I was so worried about you."  
The emotions that are making Dan's voice shaky startle Max to the core and his mouth goes all dry, while his knuckles go white by the way he curls his fingers around the steering wheel.  
Dan draws back his hand and bites down on his already bruised bottom lip, his gaze dropping to his lap.

"You're still angry with me."  
Max clenches his teeth and presses his lip together into a thin line.  
He's not Dan's boyfriend, he shouldn't be forced to deal with this shit, especially not with the hurt in Dan's eyes that makes him feel crappy without actually being responsible for it.  
For a second, he considers to just tell Dan exactly that but then he remembers the doctor's words and the way he said _forever_ , as well as Christian's threatening glances.  
So he takes a deep breath and tells himself to get his shit together.  
"No, don't be sorry," he starts and Dan eyes him in surprise, "I was just very shocked by it and didn't know how to react. We're all good."

He forces himself to smile and isn't sure whether Dan buys it, but the Aussie sighs in relief anyway and places his hand on top of Max's fingers that are curling around the gear lever.  
"Why did you try to overtake me in the first place? There just wasn't any space, what did you think I'd do? Let you pass without a fight?" Max cannot hold back his questions and from the corner of his eyes, he catches Dan staring out of the window, avoiding his gaze.  
"Will you believe me if I tell you that I simply don't know? I really don't," his voice is barely audible and Max can hear the remorse in it, "maybe I don't remember it because something hit my head, but I simply can't tell you. It was insane, I know that."  
Max knows that he probably isn't one to judge when it comes to risky over takes or maneuvers, so he saves it, for now.

Apparently, they are having a very relaxed kind of relationship.  
Dan tells him the address of the apartment and once they arrive, Max carries their stuff in while Dan grins all the way, his injuries the perfect excuse to not carry his suitcases up the stars of the old but luxurious building.  
An elevator obviously isn't part of the glamorous flair' the Australian was promised.  
The flat isn't too big nor too small, it has a large living room with a kitchen area, a bathroom with a great view and a work out room that Max is impressed by.  
However, the apartment has just one bedroom and panic is bubbling up the Dutch's throat when he realizes that he can't just sleep on the couch without making Dan suspicious.  
And any kind of suspicion would lead to an increasing stress level which might have a bad influence on his recovery.  
And all Max wants is for Dan to go back to normal, so he concludes that he does not really have a say in this.  
When he is done with unpacking their suitcases and bags, he finds Dan in the kitchen area of the living room, where he is filling two cups of coffee and points at the balcony.

"Wanna go outside, Max?"  
His shoulders are relaxed and his tone is at easy, such a vivid contrast to the way that Max is feeling, all tensed up, a frown burning its traces into the skin of his face.  
He follows the Australian anyways.  
They sit down on an outside couch in silence, each of them nipping on their coffee and Max cannot deny that the view is quite beautiful, the sun setting in the distance.  
It's not as beautiful as it is back home in Monaco, though.  
"I know that look on your face," Dan says and interrupts Max's thoughts.  
"You do?" he asks in surprise and the Aussie nods while he takes another sip of the coffee that tastes just like Max loves it.  
He wouldn't have guessed for the older driver to remember it.  
"You're missing home," Dan answers and his gaze wanders off into the distance, chasing the sunset, "I do, too. Remember when we had our first date in Monte Carlo? When we wanted to go surfing but the wind wasn't in our favor so we ended up sharing a coffee at my balcony?"

Max shivers at the words because _no_ , he obviously _doesn't_ , but he can imagine it vividly, while at the same time, he really can't.  
They probably wouldn't even get along that well, would they?  
What would they talk about, apart from Formula 1?  
The Dutch doesn't answer, for the question was meant rhetorically anyway, since Dan doesn't know that Max remembers none of it because it _never fucking happened_.

"Man..." Dan leans back and sighs, closing his eyes while he absorbs the last rays of sunshine of the day, skin golden in the evening sun, "it feels like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?"  
Max does not ask how long Dan and mind-Max have been dating, first of all because its fucking crazy and second of all because he really doesn't want to know.

Max would have expected Dan to be a rather touchy person in a relationship, but apparently he still thinks Max is at least a little angry with him, as he doesn't try to touch the Dutch again, which the young driver is beyond grateful for.  
"You hungry?" Daniel eventually asks once their mugs are empty and they decide to order some Asian food for dinner.  
Dan laughs a lot while he talks of things that Max doesn't really understand and it makes him feel weirdly out of place, like he is invading the life of a person in a way that he has no right to.  
Without Christian around, or the doctors, he feels somewhat trapped in a parallel universe where he and Dan are, in fact, dating and he doesn't like that at all.  
Not only because he clearly isn't gay, let alone into Dan, but also because he actually finds himself enjoying the time with the Australian, at least when it feels like they're just good friends.  
The lingering glances and the fingers that touch the small of his back now and then, he tries to ignore.

At dinner, they talk about yesterday's race and the accident and despite himself, Max tells Dan that it's not a big deal when the Aussie attempts to apologize again, while it is actually a _pretty big_ deal.  
But there's the worry and regret in Dan's eyes that prevent Max from calling the older one out on it. Instead, he just swallows the bitter words that are heavy on his tongue and shifts the topic of their conversation to less explosive things, like sports and music and whatever else he can think of that Dan and made-up-Max would talk about in a relationship.

It gets weirder when they prepare for bed, when Dan is singing in the bathroom to a song that sounds vaguely familiar but is completely abused by the Australian's none existing talent, and Max grows more and more nervous while he changes into a pair of comfortable pants and an old t-shirt.  
He crawls under the sheets and hopes that he can just pretend to have fallen sleep before Dan comes back, but when the Aussie enters the room, he lets out a shriek and pushes Max aside.  
"What are you doing at my side of the bed?"  
Max's eyes flutter open and he gulps when he finds Dan wearing nothing but a pair of black bloxers, his colourful tattoos decorating his tanned skin.  
"What?!"  
Dan lifts a brow and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"Don't play innocent, Maxy," there's a smirk forming on his pinkish lips that Max doesn't like _at all_ , or maybe he _does_ , because he finds himself swallowing again, before he quickly makes room and takes up the other side of the bed.  
In horror, he realizes that it's shared blanket and instinctively, he brings as much distance between the both of them as possible.  
Dan just frowns at his behavior and shifts under the blanket until they're facing each other, the room only illuminated by a small lamp on Dan's bedside table.

Gosh, he thinks, what if Dan thinks that they're supposed to do... what boyfriends do?  
He lets out a sigh of relief when Dan yawns tiredly and doesn't dare to breath until Dan switches off the lamp and dips the room in darkness.  
Suddenly, he feels Daniel's fingers searching for his and he freezes when the older one interlocks their fingers.  
"Night, Maxy," Dan whispers and it sounds like he wants to say something entirely different, or maybe it _means_ something different and Max wonders why, if it really feels so wrong to think of himself as Dan's boyfriend, the older one's hand feels just so _right_ in his.  
"Night, Dan," he whispers back into the darkness.

 

  **TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are the best way to motivate me to keep updating.  
> Thanks for the kind comments so far! xx


	3. First kisses

Max wakes up with an uncomfortably warm, uncomfortably heavy something on his chest and there's something _very_ uncomfortably hairy in his mouth that he identifies as Dan's dark curls when he opens his eyes.  
His breath gets caught in his lungs at the look of his team mate sprawled across his chest, with that ridiculous looking thing he's still wearing around his neck and the position, half on top of Max, half on his pillow, surely isn't doing much for his recovery.  
But even more panics Max the realization that he is faced with kind of a _morning problem_ that is rubbing against his thigh, while Dan lets out little huffs of air that hit Max's bare neck now and then.  
He tries to distance himself from the Australian, tries to get him off his body without waking the other up because that would definitely lead to a _very_ uncomfortable situation, more so for Max than for Daniel, as the older driver is probably still convinced that they're dating and might turn the whole thing into a _real problem_ for Max.

Eventually, the Dutch manages to wiggle out from underneath the long-limbed Australian without waking him up and he goes straight for a cold shower that nothing is straight about.  
After that, he picks up his phone from where he has left it the previous evening and finds it spammed by several messages from Christian.  
He gives him a quick update and takes the call when Carlos' name lights up on the screen.

"Morning," he says and a soft chuckle is coming from the other end of the line.  
"Morning to you, too. Nico told me what happened... With Dan and the boyfriend thing, I mean."  
"Yeah..." Max sighs into the speaker and steps out onto the balcony, pulling the glass door shut behind him, while he leans against the railing and waits for his best friend to speak up again.  
"Sucks, doesn't it?"  
"Big times," Max confirms and lets his gaze wander over the awakening city.  
"He really thinks you're dating?"  
"Apparently he does."  
"So you... Just play along with it? Sí?"  
"There's not much else that I can do about it... Christian told me to... And as you know, he can be quite convincing."  
"Oh yes, I remember that," Carlos chuckles softly and Max finds himself missing his best friend.  
He wishes the Spaniard was there right now, to help him with the mess that Dan has turned his life into.

"Dios... You and Daniel... As a couple... You'd probably kill each other by the end of the day."  
Max lets out a laugh and nods, despite knowing that the Renault driver can't see it, "Exactly my thoughts."  
"So..." Carlos asks after Max has given him an insight on what has happened the day before, "how are you going to spend the day?"  
"Apart from the amnesia thing, Dan is physically hurt, too. So there's not much do to. Let's see if I can get an xbox or something."  
Max can practically hear Carlos' smirk when he speaks up again, "You're lucky, then."  
"Lucky?!"  
"Sí," Carlos laughs, "in case Dan wants to... you know.. have a sexy time with you."  
"A WHAT?!"  
"A sexy time. Sex, _hermano_ , are you 12?"  
Max groans, "Yeah, no, I got that. You don't actually think he'd... Like... What am I supposed to do then?!"  
"Max, Dan thinks you're dating. It would be weird as hell if you two _didn't_  fuck."  
Max basically chokes at the word and Carlos breaks into hysterical giggles.  
"Shut up! So? What am I supposed to do, then?"  
"Like I said, no? You just remind him of his injuries and that you should probably take it slow."  
Max groans into the speaker and is about to end the call when Carlos speaks up once again.  
"Oh and I'm praying for you that he won't ask you for a blow job. Not much you can say against that, no?"  
Max ends the call with gritted teeth.

He gets a text from Carlos about a second later.  
"Hell, I wonder what Dan thinks who tops."  
Max's cheeks flush at the implication and he surely does not want to think about that right now.  
He starts typing but at the same time, the door is pushed open and Daniel appears on the balcony, shivering when the fresh morning breeze hits his naked arms.  
As he clearly hasn't taken a shower, Max can't stop himself from wondering in which other way the Australian has gotten rid of his little _problem_.  
He mentally curses Carlos for all of it.  
"Morning," Dan says and smiles brightly, his grin so wide that Max can't help but return it.  
Dan steps further onto the balcony and Max stiffens when the older one's hands come to rest on each side of the Dutch's hips, his thumb playing with the seam of Max's shirt.  
"Good," he manages to say and Dan's smile widens a little more, if that is even possible.  
"And yours?" Max remembers to ask dumbly, while Dan's hands wander up his sides.  
Instead of answering the question, Dan leans in, and in contrast to the situation in the hospital, Max really doesn't see the kiss coming, or maybe he just doesn't mind that much, when the older one's lips brush against his softly.  
The kiss is quick and basically just a brief touch of skin against skin and Dan's morning breath is far from pleasant but to his own surprise, Max finds himself chasing the kiss anyway, going after the warmth of Dan's mouth, who chuckles softly.  
The Australian brings some distance between them in what he must think of as a playful manner, but Max blushes heavily, feels blood rushing to his cheeks that makes Dan grin in surprise.  
"I had hoped we'd share breakfast in bed but I guess some muesli is just fine as well," Dan says and makes his way back into the flat, while Max follows somewhat dumbstruck and out of words, out of _mind_.  
What the fuck is wrong with him?

Dan, however, seems to be rather amused by his reaction and the Australian keeps on chattering throughout their breakfast, which Max is very glad for since he still doesn't trust his lips to form proper words.

"Hey, everything okay?" Dan eventually asks, though, when they have finished their breakfast and Max has indeed found an xbox in one of the cupboards under the flatscreen.  
"You're acting a little weird since our kiss..." Dan points at the balcony and then his eyes widen, "fuck, it's my breath, isn't it?"  
He gets up in a hurry and disappears into the bathroom, the door wide open.  
"Why didn't you say anything, Maxy?" Dan laughs and Max has a hard time catching all the words for the Aussie's mouth is filled with toothpaste.  
"It's not like it's been our first kiss!" the older one calls and Max closes his eyes in frustration, because _yes_ , it _actually as_ , is what he wants to shout back but he doesn't.

When Dan comes back, he has put on a team shirt and some shorts and he lets himself fall down onto the couch next to Max, his thighs casually brushing against the Dutch's who keeps himself busy by starting the game.  
"Remember when we first kissed, though?" Dan asks and the younger driver stiffens, not daring to look at the other one.  
Max, once again, does not know what to answer and Dan must mistake his impression, for he grins and takes a controller out of the Dutch's hands.  
"Enlighten me," Max says hesitantly and tries to sound joking.  
For a second, he is afraid that Dan might pick up on it, but finds his worries unfounded when Dan rolls his eyes and laughs loudly, his dark eyes sparkling.  
"Hey, you know that I'm a sucker for cheesy romances."  
Really?

Max runs a hand through his hair and manages to suppress a sigh.  
No, he did _not_ know that about Dan, he doesn't know all too much about him.  
They're team mates, not best friend, and _most importantly_  not boyfriends.  
He wonders what else he does not know of the Australian.  
"Mh," he makes and hopes that Dan will continue.  
Max is surprised that he is actually interested in what Dan's brain has made up about their first kiss.  
"You know, I often wonder what would have happened if we hadn't kissed back then. When you were pissed of by the race and I tried to cheer you up with a pillow fight in your motor home."

Dan's dark eyes are focused on Max and the younger Red Bull's face flushes immediately.  
"That ended with a kiss..." Max says and hopes it doesn't sound like a question but Dan simply nods and his hand squeezes Max's knee cap.  
"All I thought was _Dan, just get over yourself_ and luckily, you didn't push me away."  
"Yeah," Max mumbles, a bitter taste on his tongue that burns its way down to his stomach, "luckily."  
The Dutch watches how the Aussie pushes some buttons on his controller and as much as he tries to fight it, he cannot stop himself from imagining the pictures Dan has just described.  
Of them, deeply into a pillow fight, until Dan would take the chance and place his lips on Max's.  
It seems very made-up.

"Do you even realize how cliché that sounds?!" Max sputters out, covering his mouth with his hand in shock a second later, when the impact of what he has just said drools on him.  
Dan turns to face him and frowns, it is an unfamiliar look on the older one's face and Max doesn't like it at all, so he breaks into a laugh and tries to stutter something, anything that might make up a believable explanation.  
"I-I mean it clearly wasn't as bubblegum-cute as you're portraying it now."  
The confusion in Dan's dark eyes does not ease away completely, but at least the frown is gone when he rolls his eyes and playfully nudges Max's shoulder.  
"Pf, I won't let you take that memory away from me."  
Max swallows at the words and turns away from the Aussie, grabbing his own controller to set up the game.  
When Dan's character shoots down Max's, the older one chuckles and pokes a finger into Max's side, which causes him to let out an embarrassingly high-pitched shriek.  
It draws a wide laugh from Dan and Max's gaze drops, as he is unable to look at the other one.

"Oh, how's your shoulder, by the way?" Dan asks with real worry in his eyes, placing the controller aside in order to face the Dutch.  
"My shoulder?" Max asks, confused for a bit until he remembers that he has been, in fact, hurt as well.  
He had forgotten about it, with Dan and the whole boyfriend-thing to look after.  
"Yeah, Christian's told me that you've got a pretty bad bruise. Want me to look after it?"  
"Ehm," Max makes and is a little overwhelmed by how caring Dan appears, as he is quite unused to receiving this kind of attention from the older Australian.  
It makes him feel funny in his stomach, which would be reason enough to just get up and tell someone else to look after Daniel, but he is captivated by the concern in Dan's gaze, so he shrugs his shoulders and looks away.  
"I guess it's fine."  
Dan shakes his black locks and reaches out for the Dutch's arm.  
"Come on, take off your shirt!"  
Max's eyes widen and Dan chuckles at the sight.  
"So I can have a look at it. Unless you're having different things in mind..." he doesn't finish his sentence but wiggles his eyebrows and Max forgets to breathe for a moment, until he's in a lack of oxygen and draws in a sharp breath.  
"Maxy..." Dan runs a finger up the Dutch's naked arm that breaks into goosebumps and sighs deeply, "just let me have a look at it, okay? I bet it's fine but I want to make sure."  
How could Max say no to that?  
So he keeps his gaze low and yanks his shirt over his head, shivering once again when Dan's dark eyes roam over his naked chest with a god-damned wink.

Dan looks after the bruise with tender hands and Max wonders whether he thinks of it as weird that the younger one's skin is still covered in goosebumps and that Max shivers every time the Australian touches him or if that is just the normal reaction made-up-Max would have to Dan's fingers on his body.

They are having muesli for lunch again and then they go back to their game on the xbox, just hanging around with music playing in the background that Dan has put on, much to Max's dislike.  
Dan seems to know that the two of them don't have a similar taste in music and sings along to the screamo parts of "A day to Remember"s songs whole-heartedly while Max covers his ears playfully and complains with a laugh.  
Max knows that Daniel lets him win a few rounds for the Australian doesn't even bother to hide it, doesn't even keep his eyes on the screen but watches Max from the side, as the younger one spots out of the corner of his eye.  
It makes his cheeks heat up, the attention that he receives, the lingering glances that Dan shoots his way, how the Aussie gently rubs his leg now and then or gets him a glass of juice whenever he gets one for himself.

The Australian hasn't been that relaxed around Max in months and the Dutch finds himself missing a friendship that hasn't ever existed, but is displayed in front of his eyes so clearly at the moment.

 

  **TBC**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i genuinely hope you liked this chapter...  
> Please let me know in the comments.  
> Plus, fasten your seatbelts, there's drama and angsty stuff ahead.


	4. A romantic touch

 Max is texting Carlos on his phone when Dan suddenly hugs him from behind and wraps his arms around Max's back.  
The Dutch jumps in the Aussie's arms and Dan chuckles against Max's neck, his lips placing soft open-mouthed kisses on his skin.  
The older one drags his nose up the Red Bull's throat, inhales deeply and Max shivers when Daniel's warm breath hits the sensitive spot behind his ear.  
"Let me take you out this evening..." Dan whispers and kisses Max's skin again, who feels his mouth going dry.  
"Out?" he croaks and wants to turn around in the other driver's arms but stops halfway in, remembering that the last thing he needs is to meet Daniel's gaze.  
He feels Dan nodding, "A date..."

"A date?"  
Daniel laughs softly, "Well, yes. Even a year into our relationship, we shouldn't... mh... lose the romantic touch?"  
A whole _year_?  
He isn't sure what he has expected, but Max cannot - could not - imagine that they would get along for more than a few hours.  
Sometimes, there have been days when they wouldn't be able to go for 10 minutes without breaking into an argument.  
So Dan is convinced that they have been dating for a whole fucking year?  
Delusional.  
"We could dress up and have dinner at some fancy place... By the beach, maybe?"  
"I-I only have sponsor wear with me," Max replies, as if that is the _only_  problem about Dan's proposal.

Dan seems to shrug, before his lips are back brushing against Max's ear.  
"You're looking good no matter your clothes," Max blushes and has to close his eyes.  
Because this isn't _real_ , Dan is making all of it up and his words really shouldn't make him feel the way they do.  
"Sounds great, I'll be back," he manages to spit out before he breaks free from Dan's arms and rushes into the bathroom, grabbing the sink for stabilization while breathing heavily.

He can't help wondering what Dan will think once his brain recovers and he'll remember that they are not actually dating, that Max has just played along with whatever Dan's injured brain is making up.  
Will he be mad at Max?  
Or even disgusted by him, since Max has let him kiss him despite knowing _better_?  
What would he expect of Dan, if he was in his situation?  
The truth.  
He would expect the truth.  
Because no way in hell he would want to be caught in such a charade, with others acting as if everything is fine while actually nothing is.  
And still, he has to think of the doctor's words and Christian's threats and with shaking hands, he fumbles for his phone in the pocket of his pants.

"Max?"   
The Dutch lets out a sigh of relief once his best friend's voice comes from the other end of the line, but it doesn't help with the shaking, so he sits down on the cool tiles and leans his head back against the wall.  
"Max?" Carlos sounds more worried this time, all amusement gone from his tone, " _Hermano_? You okay?"  
"No," Max answers, because it's the truth and that's something he hasn't gone with in a while.  
"What happened? Is Dan okay?"  
"I..." Max runs a hand through his hear and his chin hits his chest in an act of surrender, "this is so much harder than I thought it would be."  
"I can imagine that."  
"No, Carlos, I don't think you get what I mean. It's... Dan... He's so nice and gentle and-..."  
"Isn't Dan always like that?" the Spaniard interrupts him and Max bites the inside of his cheek.  
"Not... We... I mean, we haven't been close lately. And now it's like we're best friend, like he's actually _in love_ with me and... Fuck."

"And you start to like it?" Carlos' voice is low and barely more than a whisper, in the distance Max can hear the engine of an F1 car and he realizes that he had completely forgotten about the testing days.  
The Spaniard's words echo in Max's head and there is a tightness in his chest that he can't place, a knot in his stomach that knocks the air out of his lungs.  
"I'm not gay, Carlos!" he calls and his own words keep ringing in his ears, while his breath is coming way too fast.  
Now is definitely _not_ the time to panic.  
Carlos is silent for a while and then there's the closing of a door and the engine sounds stop abruptly.  
"Are you sure about that?" his best friend's voice is calm and curious, as if it was just a simple question like any other.  
"Of course I am!" Max hisses, "I'm not gay! That would be just weird!"  
"Weird?" Carlos repeats, with something restrained in his voice, "weird?"  
"Yes, weird! I'm not... I'm not like that."  
"Max..." Carlos sighs into the speaker, "there's nothing _weird_ about being gay. I don't get what you're talking about. So what if Dan is actually gay? Does that make him weird?"  
Max keeps silent.  
Then he ends the call without saying anything else and makes a mental note to apologize to Carlos later on.

When Max comes out of the bathroom, Dan has already changed into a pair of black skinny jeans that are ripped on the knees and a white long-sleeve with his brand's logo.  
Since Max only has his sponsor gear with him, he doesn't change and when Dan asks "Ready?", he nods and follows the other one outside.  
Since the Aussie is still a little stiff and can't take too much exercise, they pull up a taxi and Max listens absently when Dan gives the driver the address of a restaurant by the seaside.  
He flinches when the older one's fingers brush against his and Dan draws his hand back with a frown.

Dan has apparently chosen a very private space, a small restaurant by the sea side with a private beach.  
There are tables outside, placed in the sand, that are illuminated by coloured single lamps and the setting sun shines down on them, about to disappear in the ocean.  
Daniel's face is golden in the evening sun and his dark eyes seem to reflect the colours, while spots of light get caught in his black curls, dancing with every step the Aussie takes.  
Max feels a lump forming in his throat when he realizes that it is ROMANTIC.  
"I have been assured that paparazzi don't come here," Dan says while they sit down at a table that the waiter has shown them, as if that's something that is important to Max.  
His gaze is still observant and Max gives him a shy smile, "It's beautiful."  
Dan returns it widely.

They order their first round of drinks and soon the tension between them seems to slip, while the topic of their conversation shifts from everything to nothing, to set ups and stupid jokes that make Max laugh out loud while Dan shakes his head in disbelief.  
"It's always good to have a young boyfriend," the Aussie suddenly says and Max is snapped out of the safe ground he has thought he had set foot on.  
"Because it's really easy to make you laugh."  
Dan is beaming while he says that and it damn well pains the Dutch to watch, as he has to remind himself that this _is not real_ , that Dan is _making this up_ and all of this will be over as soon as Dan recovers.

"Remember when you told that joke about three Formula 1 drivers walking into a bar? When I laughed so hard that I ended up crying on the floor, completely out of breath, so you mimicked a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"  
Max can imagine it, he can imagine Dan rolling around on the floor, his loud laugh filling a room and for the first time ever, Max finds himself missing memories that do not even exist, since they are not _real_.  
He wishes the story Dan tells had actually happened, because it warms his chest and makes him smile. Because it fills something inside of him that he had no idea was empty.  
"That was our second kiss," Dan adds, gently, and then his hand reaches across the table.  
But right before their skin makes contact, Daniel's eyes widen in shock and he draws it back with a curse.  
"Sorry! I-... Sorry..."

"What?" Max asks, confused by the Aussie's behavior, who looks at him in shock.  
"I forgot we're in public. Sorry, that won't happen again, I swear."  
Max shoots the almost empty restaurant a glance, "What..?"  
Dan shakes his dark curls and smiles apologetically.  
"I know that you don't want anyone to spot us in public. Let alone touch in public."  
Max gapes at Dan, surprised by that detail of made-up-Max that sounds heavily like something Max would actually do.  
Still, it leaves a very bitter taste on the young Dutch's tongue.  
"It's... It's fine, Dan," Max mumbles, his cheeks burning red, while he reaches across the table and takes the older one's warm hand in his.  
Dan nearly gapes at him and Max frowns.  
"No, Max, you don't have to go easy on me because of the accident. I get that you don't want anyone to know about us. Come on, you didn't even tell your dad. Let's not risk anything here."

Dan's gaze drops while he says that and there is a look of sadness on his face that does not suit him at all.  
Max's chest clenches.  
And he suddenly feels angry at made-up-Max, for doing this to Dan, for not letting him show his love and make Dan feel like the world's opinion, his _dad's_  opinion, is worth more than their relationship.  
It also confuses the hell out of Max, because he would indeed never want to tell his dad anything about him and _a guy_ , but there's the pain in Dan's brown eyes, the way his shoulders are slumped forward and how he doesn't dare to look up, that makes Max's stomach drop.

It's not fair that Dan is so broken over a relationship that doesn't even exist, which means that Max really cannot help him with this.  
And still, he begins to fear the day when Dan's real memories would come back, when the caring smiles and the affectionate touches would stop.  
When they will go back to their normal lives.  
Max's feels how his bottom lip starts trembling.  
 _When Dan won't love him anymore._

 

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: sorry that the chapter is so short. But I felt like this would be a good line to end the chapter.
> 
> Second of all: thanks for your comments! They always make my day!
> 
> Please leave a comment/kudos if you liked this :)


	5. First times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who actually likes Jos; I'm sorry.
> 
> No, actually, I'm not.

Max holds Dan's hand on their whole ride home and he can still feel that clenching fist around his heart whenever he thinks of what the Aussie has revealed about their "relationship".  
So that's what Daniel thinks of Max?  
That he would want to keep everything private and deny the older one any form of public affection?  
He cannot help thinking that Dan, undeniably, definitely deserves better than this.  
And yet, isn't that exactly how he would act, if he was in that situation? Which he isn't, obviously, since he's not gay nor in love with Daniel.  
But still...

He can feel that something is different when they enter the apartment, for Dan keeps touching the small of his back with tender fingers and gives him long glances that make Max blush by just catching the Aussie's gaze.  
He tries to escape the scene by excusing himself into the bathroom, but once he comes out, he finds Dan sitting on the bed in nothing but his underwear, his colourful tattoos catching Max's gaze once again.  
"Wanna touch?" Dan asks with a wink when he catches Max's stare and the Dutch flushes in a bright red while Dan gets up from the bed and walks around it until he is standing right in front of the younger driver.  
With a smirk, he lifts his hand and runs his fingers through Max's hair that has grown a little longer than usual lately.

"I like it that way," Dan mumbles, as if he has heard the other's thoughts, before he cups Max's jaw with his hands and brushes his thumbs over the Dutch's cheekbones.  
Max shivers under the touch but leans into it instinctively.  
He can't say that he is surprised when he closes the distance between them and catches Dan's lips with his, insecure and hesitant.  
But the older one places a hand in Max's neck and draws him closer, deepens the kiss by running his tongue over the Redbull's bottom lip.  
Max's heart is beating in his throat and he is almost sure that his pulse is going so fast that Dan will comment on it but instead, the Australian pushes him back against the closed door.  
His movements are gentle but determined and Max knows instantly where Dan is heading, while the older one guides Max's hand to his hips, trapping Max between the wooden surface and Daniel's body.

He does not think much, obviously doesn't, when he parts his lips and grants Dan entrance, while he pushes Daniel back until the back of the Australian's legs hit the edge of the bed.  
The older one swaps their positions with ease and chuckles against Max's lips, before placing a few sloppy kisses against the corners of his lips.  
Dan's weight is pleasant on his body and Max feels heat creeping up his neck when the Aussie brings their hips together so the Dutch can feel his erection against his own.  
"Remember our first time?" Dan asks, his warm breath hitting Max's ear, sending shivers down his spine.

At that moment, Max is actually about to tell Dan about the false memories, because _holy shit_ , he's about to have sex with a bloke for the first time, _they_ are about to, but Dan cuts him off with another kiss."I was so nervous..." Dan continues and his soft laughs vibrates through his rib cage.

Max bites his lip, suddenly feeling robbed of that experience, of an insecure Daniel that kisses him for the first time, that has _sex_ with him the first time ever.  
But he's not going to have that, because Dan is convinced that those things have already _happened_ , and Max is willing to take whatever he can get.  
Whatever Daniel might grant him.  
"Honestly... I..." Dan sighs against Max's lips and brings their groins together one more time, "I love you, Maxy."  
And Max, if he is being honest with himself, knows that his heart might skip a beat at these words.

Later that night, he lies awake with Dan in his arms, their naked bodies entangled, while Dan's curls are tingling Max's neck.  
The Aussie's breath is coming even and the Dutch strokes the older one's shoulder comfortingly, drawing in the scent that it utterly Dan.  
It feels like coming home.

  
When Max wakes up in the morning, though, the feeling is gone and replaced by guilt that is so heavy that it burns his insides and makes him feel sick.  
With trembling fingers, he locks the door of the bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet, hiding his face in his hands.  
_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._  
He cannot believe that he has let this happen.  
He is the one that is in his right mind, _he_ is the one that was supposed to watch out and look after Daniel, not take advantage of his state.  
And having sex with the Aussie surely counts as such.  
Max actually feels like he has to vomit, because what will Dan think once he's back to normal?  
Maybe, possibly, they would have had the chance to build a real friendship after all this is over, but not anymore, not with Max betraying Daniel like that.  
He is disgusted of himself, ashamed by his actions, while he can still feel the older one's tender fingers on his skin, his nails digging deep into his back, his kisses wandering down his chest.

With shaking hands, he puts on a pair of jeans and a Red Bull jacket and leaves the apartment. But not without giving the sleeping Australian a long look from his place in the door frame.  
When he stumbles down the stairs of the apartment complex, he fishes his phone from his pocket and calls his dad, who is still in town for the Red Bull testing.

 

"So, Max..." Jos says, once they have sat down in the café that the older Verstappen has told Max about, "is this about the crash?"  
He eyes his son curiously, skepticism written all over his face as usual. Max's gaze drops when he reaches for his glass of water and runs a hand through his hair.  
"Spit it out, Max..."  
There is a frown wrinkling his dad's forehead and Max cannot help the shaky breath that drops from his lips.  
The Dutch does not know where to start, because _yes_ , this is about the crash and at the same time it really isn't and he can't even tell why he wanted to meet up with his dad in the first place.  
But Jos has always been a reasonable guy so Max feels like he might be able to either help or talk some sense in him.  
"It kind of is..." he says and Jos rolls his eyes, leaning forward onto his elbows on the table.  
"Did you lose your ability to finish your sentences when Daniel crashed into you?"  
Max shakes his head and crosses his arms in front of his chest, his gaze meeting his dad's.  
"When Dan woke up in the hospital... You know, his brain is injured. It's a form of amnesia..."

"And that's why you're so worked up over it?" Jos' frown deepens and Max lowers his gaze once again before he continues with his talk.  
"Dan... Dan's brain makes up memories, scenarios, that are not true. The doctors say that it is part of the recovery, that it reduces the stress level or something and that he will be back too normal, but until then, they told me to just act along with these false memories."  
Jos lifts an eyebrow, "And these false memories are..?"  
Max feels heat rushing to his face and somehow he does not want to tell his dad about it, because it feels way too intimate, like he is revealing something about Dan that he has no right to.  
The look on his father's face makes him spit it out, though.

"Dan believes that I am his boyfriend."  
"His... boyfriend?"  
Max flinches at the way his dad says that word, as if it's something deviant, something that one shouldn't speak out loud.  
"Yes. Dan is convinced that we are dating."  
Jos lets out a short laugh, "That's... That's..."  
"Ridiculous, I know," Max says but Jos shakes his head and his eyes narrow.  
"I was going to say _deceitful_."  
"Deceitful?"  
"Yes, what if the press is going to get a hint? That Daniel is making up a gay relationship with you?"  
The way that his dad hesitates before saying the word 'gay' makes Max's stomach knot up.

"Dad... Dan isn't gay, neither am I."  
"Of course you aren't!" Jos stares at him as if Max is out of his mind.  
"Of course you aren't," he repeats then, a little more quiet, "you're my son."  
Max doesn't know what that has to do with him being gay or not but with the way that hid dad's carotid artery is pulsating, he really doesn't want to find out.  
Suddenly, Jos' eyes widen and he grits his teeth, "You said the doctors wanted you to play along..."  
The older man's words are barely more than a whisper, pushed through almost closed lips with force.  
Max isn't able to hold his father's gaze and is very aware that he is flushing heavily right now, while he catches his wrist with his hand to stop it from trembling.  
"Tell me you didn't get involved with him."  
The trembling of Max's hands starts to spread through the rest of his body and soon, the young driver's feet are nervously tabbing the floor while his thighs break into shivers.  
"Max..." Jos growls and Max suddenly wishes he had never come here, because there's no way that he can deny the funny feeling in his guts when his skin makes contact with the Australian's.

Not since Dan has first smiled at him with all that love in his eyes after waking up in the hospital and especially not after last night.  
"I can't believe this!" Jos shouts and a few heads turn their way, causing the older one to lower his voice and come threateningly closer, "you are not gay, Max. You get that? You are an athlete. You are _not_ gay."  
Max stares at his dad in shock.  
"This is going to ruin your life. If you choose that part, it is going to ruin everything", Jos breath is coming faster now and his face is of a dark red.  
"It will be the end of your career. Not just in Formula 1, but all parts of racing, you get that?" he asks and Max feels taken aback, "do you fucking get that, Max?! You will lose all your sponsors. You will lose your car, your team and all your fans. No one wants a gay driver. No one."

Max nods mechanically before closing his eyes and hiding his face away in his palms.  
What has he done?  
He's not gay and he does not want to ruin his career.  
His dad continues still, "You've got to tell him, Max. Tell him that he's making up that weird-ass shit. You shouldn't play along with that, Dan needs a doctor that gets these abnormalities straight. You are not gay."  
_Yes_ , Max thinks.  
_I am not gay and I can't do this anymore._

He has to tell Dan the truth, just like his father says.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jos' homophobia is made up by me but I really have some kind of problem with him and this was actually the hardest chapter to write.  
> I can't really tell why but I feel like none of it worked out as I planned for it to do and yeah...  
> I promised drama/angst and here it starts.  
> Thanks for sticking with my story and I'm already looking forward to your comments!
> 
> What are your thoughts on real life Jos?  
> I know that he has done a lot for Max but argh... The things he says... How he sometimes speaks of Max and these stories about him not talking to Max after a bad race as a kid...


	6. Testing

His dad had left the bistro without saying much but his dark glances had been enough to make Max aware of the situation he had agreed to play along with.  
He really cannot do this any longer.  
And the guilt is still heavy on his shoulders, both from disappointing his dad, who has done so much for him, and from betraying Daniel by taking advantage of his injured brain.  
He still can't believe that he has actually slept with Dan, for the memories feel surreal.  
His skin is still burning where the Aussie's tender fingers have touched him and the thought of their kisses alone makes his lips tingle.  
He has to put an end to this.

When Max comes back to their apartment, he cannot find Dan anywhere but there's water running in the bathroom so Max sits down on the couch in the living room and waits for the Australian, his heart beating in his throat.  
All of this, this life that he has been living the past few days, it isn't _real_ , it isn't something Max is allowed to cling to, for his dad has been right.  
This is not what is good for him and it's not good for Daniel either.  
It's toxic and it might ruin their careers and that is not a risk that Max can't take, nor is it his to decide for Dan.

The older driver comes out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later, his wet curls falling into his face while he is wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his slim waists.  
Max swallows.  
At first, Dan doesn't even seem to notice him sitting there and eventually, the Aussie lets out a yelp of surprise before he chuckles and runs a hand through Max's hair while passing him to pick up his phone that's lying on a small table.  
Max does not know how to start this conversation, so he is just sitting there, his lips pressed together so tightly that they're probably completely white, his hands forming fists where they are resting on the cushions.  
With an exhausted sigh, Dan flops himself next to the Dutch after a while and looks up from his phone, his face falling when he spots the younger one's posture.

"You alright? Max?" Dan asks when the younger one doesn't react and suddenly, Max's throat is too tight to say anything at all.  
"Max?" Dan asks again and his dark eyes widen in worry, something that leaves a burning feeling in the Dutch's stomach.  
The Aussie's eyes roam over his face quickly, apparently searching for answers that Max cannot provide just yet.  
"Maxy... What happened? Where have you been? I missed you when I woke up..."

Max clears his throat with a cough, "I was with my dad."  
Dan's gaze snaps up at these words and his eyes widen, "Your dad? He's in town?"  
When Max nods, Dan's jaw clenches and a look flashes across his face that the Dutch has never seen before, a sort of anger that is totally unfamiliar with the Aussie.  
Max's gaze drops to Daniel's hands that have formed fists in his laps.  
When the older one looks at him again, there is sympathy in his eyes and his fingers curl around Max's hands in comfort.  
"Whatever he said, Maxy, don't listen to him, okay? He's not worth it."  
Max nearly chokes at these words, because why the fuck does Dan dare to speak of his dad like that?  
"What?!"  
Dan holds his gaze, "You know how he is. You don't have to tell him we're dating, I get that. All that matters in the end is that I love you."  
Max is taken aback by that, somewhat dumbstruck, and his mouth opens and closes without a word coming out, probably making him look like a fish.  
Dan's eyes soften visibly and some of the tension seems to fall from his shoulders.  
"Remember when you first told me you love me?"  
 _Oh God_ , Max thinks, but is still frozen on his spot.  
"After the race in Singapur? I was done with the world and you came to my motor home and just said it. The "l"-word, I mean. After a rant about the quote fucking ass-sucking Ferraris unquote."

Dan's eyes are still roaming over Max's face as if he is searching for something.  
Max closes his eyes and tries to block the Aussie out.  
But now he can't help wondering about when Dan has said the words for the first time and maybe he's the kind of guy that says it right after the first date, all casually before driving away with a smile, or maybe the kind that doesn't say it for months and eventually blushes heavily before stuttering it out.  
And Max simply doesn't _know_ , because he'll never get to hear Dan's first "I love you" and maybe that is what takes it in the end, that makes something inside him snap, that shakes him to the core and pushes him over the edge of the cliff he has totally forgotten about the last few days.  
"It doesn't really matter because it's not true anyway, isn't it?" he calls and jumps up, no longer able to keep still, and he knows that he's sounding desperate but god damn it, he _is_.  
Dan's jaw falls open in a motion that seems almost comical but there's nothing funny about the confusion and hurt that flashes across his face.  
"What?!"  
"It is not true! That I love you! Because I don't!"  
Max's breathe is coming way too fast and he feels like he is close to hyperventilating but he slaps Dan's hands away.  
"Did you tell Jos, after all? Is this what he told you? That you don't love me?"  
Dan lets out an almost bitter laugh, running a hand through his still wet curls.  
"I don't love you, Dan, and that's the truth."  
The Aussie's face turns blank and he lets out a shaky breath, his hands dropping down his sides.

"I can't believe this. Oh my God."  
Then, his gaze shoots up again.  
"This isn't you speaking, Max. I have no idea what your dad said to you but I can imagine his words and please, you know that he is wrong."  
Max stops the trembling of his hands by forming fists.  
"I'm not gay, Dan. Never was."  
"Hah," Dan makes and it sounds like he is almost choking on his own words, "you're fucking kidding me, aren't you?"

"I love you, Max. And I know you do too, so what the fuck is this about? Did he threaten you? Tell you it will ruin your career?"  
Hearing that is too much for Max.  
"You don't love me! And I don't love you!" he shouts and takes a step back, his hands coming up to gesticulate.  
"What, you think I just made that up?" Dan asks bitterly.  
"Exactly!"  
"What?!"  
"You are making this up, Dan! This isn't real! None of this is."  
A deep frown appears on the Aussie's face and he brings up a hand to brush his fingers across his temples.  
Max watches the motion with boiling blood.  
"What?"  
"We are not daring, Dan!  
" _What_?"  
Max breathes deeply before spitting up what he has been holding in for too long.  
"When we crashed, when _you_ crashed into _me_ , your head hit debris and you're suffering from a form of amnesia. We are not dating, Dan, we aren't even what people would call _friends_. Your brain is making that up."  
"I-..." Dan started but Max cut him off.  
"Your real memories will come back, I guess. God, I hope they will. But I can't do this anymore because I'm not gay."  
"You-..."  
Max bites he inside of his cheek and cuts the Australian off again.  
"Yes, I played along with it and _yes_ , I had sex with you and I'm sorry for that but-..."  
"Oh my God," Dan mumbles, his dark eyes glaring at Max in absolute disbelief.  
"Oh my God," he repeats again, more quiet this time, while he hides his face away in his palms and shakes is head, "I can't believe this."  
Max steps closer to Dan, sympathy washing over him at the sight of the heartbroken driver.  
Hesitating, he places a hand on the older one's shoulder and feels Dan flinch at the touch.

The Aussie peeks at him through his fingers and shakes his head once again.  
"I can't believe this is happening."  
"It will be okay, Dan. The doctors said-..."  
"No, Max," Daniel's hands fall down and his dark eyes meet Max's, "I think you don't get this. We ARE dating. Of course we are."  
Max frowns and sighs deeply, "No, Dan, the crash-..."  
"Max," Dan says, panic in his eyes that start to wet up, "we are dating. I can't believe that I've been right all along."  
"Right about what?" Max asks, but he feels something drooling on him, something in the back of his mind that just hasn't made any sense all the time.  
"When you acted different after we came back from the hospital, I... I started testing you."  
"Testing me?" Max croaks out, feeling blood rushing in his veins.  
Dan nods, "Max, our first kiss wasn't during a pillow fight. Our first kiss was during a REAL fight, after another shitty race."  
"What are you trying to tell me?"  
"Max, it isn't me that is making up false memories."  
Max's heart stopped beating.  
"It is you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there it is, the plot twist that some of you saw coming and some (hopefully) didn't.
> 
> Kudos/Comment and I'll love you forever.


	7. Just a little

_"Max, it isn't me that is making up false memories."_  
_Max's heart stopped beating.  
"It is you."_

Max gapes at Daniel, stares at the Aussie with wide eyes while he feels his blood rushing through his veins at high speed.  
No, this can't be true, there's just no way that what the older one has said makes any sense, is there?  
He tries to recollect what he still knows of the crash and finds himself remembering that some of the debris hit his head as well but- no.  
The doctors had said that he is just fine, hadn't they?  
And Max would know if something was odd with his memories, right?  
_Right_?  
Oh God.  
Max takes another step back, raising his hands in a motion that he cannot even interpret himself, his mouth still hanging open.  
Daniel watches Daniel with pain in his eyes, a fact that knocks the oxygen out of Max's chest and forces him to take a deep breath that doesn't quite reach his lungs.  
"This can't be true."  
"Max..." the Aussie's voice is gentle and tender, as if Dan wants to let him down softly and Max cuts him off right away.  
"No!"  
The panic is evident in his voice and he can see that Daniel flinches at the sound while the Australian comes closer carefully, as if approaching a wild animal.  
"I know this is hard to take but-..."  
"No!" Max repeats, louder this time, and shrieks back from the sound of it.  
A shadow flickers across the older driver's tensed face.  
"I'm not... We're not... I don't..."  
"We do," Dan confirms in a calm voice that shakes around the edges, "and you are."  
"No!"

Dan sighs below his breath and his gaze shifts to the floor for a second, before he looks up again with determination in his eyes. It makes Max's insides knot up.  
"I love you, Max..." the words are testing, said with caution while Dan comes a little closer still, until the Dutch can smell his aftershave.  
"Don't say that!" Max calls in a high-pitched voice but doesn't shove Dan back, instead his limps feel numb and his throat too tight to actually form any sentences.  
"But it's the truth?" it sounds like a question, though.  
"Yeah, but I don't love _you_ and..."  
Max stops mid-sentence when hurt lights up in Daniel's dark eyes and overclouds his face.  
Max would feel sympathy for the Aussie if the panic in his stomach wasn't so heavy, if there were any other words but _no no no_ dancing through his mind.  
But he cannot think properly, hell, no part of his brain functions like it should with Daniel this close, so close that Max could count his eye lashes if he wanted too, could just reach out a hand and brush his knuckles over Dan's cheekbones or lean forward and capture his-...  
He jumps back as if struck by lightning and turns around to leave, his heart beating way too fast, while a headache is already forming behind his temples.  
"Max!" Dan calls and runs after him, "we have to go see a doctor and talk about this! Please!"  
But the Dutch ignores the older one and stumbles down the stairs and out on the streets, knowing that Dan won't be able to keep up with him with the injuries.

Max catches his breath in a small street by the sea side, leaning against a wall that is covered in shadows.  
Daniel's words don't make any sense, do they?  
But there's this tiny voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously much like Carlos, that keeps on whispering "what if?"  
First things first, Max thinks, and tries to remember details of his relationship with Dan over the last years.  
He remembers fights and shut doors, hurt feelings and a distance spreading between them fueled by the rivalry but something just doesn't seem right about it, but he's not able to point a finger on it.  
It's somewhat like living in a dream, when one isn't able to tell that it isn't real while some things constantly seem odd, though, lurking at the borderline to subconsciousness.  
And yet, he would have noticed, wouldn't he?  
It simply doesn't make any sense.  
Him and Dan, _dating_...  
He shakes his head rapidly, as if that could bring some light into this mess, but it only makes his headache even worse and in defeat, Max's shoulders slump forward.  
He feels lost, unable to tell what's true and what isn't, what's _real_ and what's not, and he does not see a way out of this.  
He cannot face Dan, not when he says things like _i love you_ and gives away all these loving glances for free.  
Not when he makes Max feel the way he does, confused as fuck, lonely in his company.  
He does what any sane person would have done and calls his best friend.

He doesn't ask Carlos how he sneaked away form the testing and it is probably better not to know anyway. Max feels calmer instantly when the door of the Spaniard's hotel room falls shut behind them and flops down onto the Renault's bed.  
"So..." Carlos eventually says and breaks the silence that has spread between them, "will you tell me why you're looking like you just crashed in the first lap now, _hermano_?"  
The Spaniard lifts an eyebrow and with his hands on his hips, he reminds Max of a younger version of Fernando.  
Under different circumstances, he would not have let the opportunity to point that out slip, but he's got way more serious problems right now.  
However, he does not know how to start and falls back on the bed, draping an arm over his eyes.  
"Dios, being a little over-dramatic today, Max?" Carlos teases and Max grows darkly, "did Dan want to have _a sexy time_  with you, after all?"  
"What?" Max sits up again, taken aback by how much has happened since he talked to Carlos the last time.  
"Chili..." he starts but his voice breaks and his best friend frowns at him.  
"Yeah?" Carlos looks at him expectantly and Max sits up some more.  
"Do you think it's possible that it's me, not Dan, that is faced with false memories?"  
Carlos' eyes widen in a lack of understanding, before he lets out a series of giggles, almost bending over in laughter.

"W-wait, w-what?" he manages to ask in between his chuckles that die down immediately when he spots Max's serious face.  
"What?" he asks again, sitting down next to Max, worry written all over his lineaments.  
"I-I told Dan that we're not actually dating... That he's making this up..."  
"What?" the Spaniard's brows shoot up, "didn't the doctors say that-..."  
Max interrupts him with his eyes wide and blood rushing to his cheeks, "I had sex with him!"  
"Qué?!"  
"I had sex with him, we fucked, he plucked the cherry, we had a _sexy time_ , you get it, Chili?"  
"Dios maldito... How?!"  
"Well, he put it in and-..."  
" _Fucking hell_ , not how you fucked, I mean, how did it even get this far?" Carlos does not seem grossed out by Max's revelation, rather curious, until his eyes suddenly widen.  
"You're a bottom?!"  
"What?!"  
"You.. He... Didn't you just say that..."  
"Oh my God," Max whispers, falling down on his back once again.  
He isn't anything, he isn't even gay and- okay, maybe that just isn't all _that_ true anymore.  
Carlos falls down beside him and they lie like that in silence for a couple of minutes, until Carlos eventually whispers "so you're gay?", apparently not even caring that Max is facing a full out existential crisis over there.  
"Maybe... Maybe a little?"

Carlos snorts and rolls around, facing Max from the side, "A little? As in _he put his cock into me, but just a little, because I'm just a little gay_?"  
Max seriously considers punching Carlos right in his smug face but can't find the motivation to actually do it, so instead he groans into his arm and curses everything, most of all the ever-smiling Australian.  
"So... Now explain to me what Dan has said..."  
Max does so and Carlos watches with raised brows until the Dutch has finished.  
"Mh."  
"Mh? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"  
"I don't know... It... It sort of makes sense, doesn't it?"  
"No it _doesn't_."  
"It does! You two have been acting kind of weird lately... All these secret glances... I thought you two were burning each other alive because of all the crashes but, you know, it _was_ kind of sexual."  
"It wasn't!"  
Carlos mumbles something in quick Spanish that sounds much like a curse Fernando uses too often, before he addresses Max once again, "I don't think you're one to tell, Max. If Dan is right after all, you don't remember it correctly anyway."  
Max hates how matter-of-factly his best friend sounds.  
"And how are we going to find that out?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> Thanks for the INCREDIBLE amount of comments on the last chapter.  
> As always; comments and kudos happen to make my day.


	8. Pictures

Carlos and him do not come up with a great masterplan to sort things out, so the Spaniard asks the receptionist to call them a cab that gets them to the hospital.  
The doctor, Fourcade, as Max learns, that has been treating Daniel before, listens to the Dutch's story with wide eyes.  
It is only when Max tells him that he is not going to sue him for getting the diagnosis wrong that he swallows hard and leads the two drivers into his office at the end of the clean corridor.  
They sit down in uncomfortable chairs in front of his desk and Max grows slightly nervous when he feels Carlos' worried glances on his skin.  
"I have to apologize, Mr. Verstappen," Fourcade starts and pulls up some papers that are lying on his desk, "there wasn't any indication that _your_ memories could have been affected by the crash."  
Max explains to him that, from what he has figured out together with Carlos, he remembers pretty much anything, from his childhood to his years with Toro Rosso and the first year with Red Bull. Only after that, things have to be... _blurry_ , at least if Dan _is_ right about their secret relationship after all, which Max still doubts highly, but better be safe than sorry, right?  
"And you're saying that Mr. Ricciardo is of the opinion that the two of you are dating in secret?"  
Max nods.  
"So there isn't any one to confirm Mr. Ricciardo?"  
Max's gaze automatically finds Carlos' who shrugs his shoulders.  
"I don't know," Max answers honestly, "not even Carlos knows. Wouldn't I have told my best friend, at least?"

Despite it being a rhetorical question, Dr. Fourcade answers it still.  
"You two are in the spotlight, after all. Same sex relationship amongst athletes in any sport aren't what you would call common."  
Max's mood darkens at these words.  
He surely wouldn't put that burden on Dan, or would he?  
"Aren't there some kind of tests that you can run on me?"  
Dr. Fourcade puts up an apologetic smile, as if he wants to let the Dutch down gently.  
"Sure, we could run some tests but this looks more like a mental issue to me."  
"A mental issue?" Max repeats in surprise, crossing his arms in front of his chest, "what are you implying?"  
"You have been under a lot of stress lately, Mr. Verstappen. First the crash and then pretending to be in a relationship with Mr. Ricciardo."  
"So you're saying that this might not be a physical damage but...?"  
"I can't tell that, yet."  
"When will you be able to do so?" Carlos asks and Max doesn't miss the protective tone in his best friend's voice.  
Dr. Fourcade doesn't react to the Spaniard's question and his gaze wanders back and forth between the two drivers, "Firstly, we should figure out whether Mr. Ricciardo _is_ right, after all."  
"Listen," Max starts and leans forward, his voice harsher than he intends it to be, "everything I say is protected by the medical confidentiality, right?"  
The doctor nods.  
"I kissed Dan. We... We... I mean, this is the kind of stuff that triggers memory flashbacks, isn't it? _If_ Dan is telling the truth, then shouldn't I at least remember _something_ by now?"  
"Like I said, you shouldn't underestimate stress as a cause of delusion."  
"Great," Max growls and shoots Carlos a glance, "I propose we start the tests as soon as possible."

The testing that Max undergoes doesn't really get them anywhere, either. The doctors ask him some questions about himself and then others, about his daily routines, how much he has slept before and after the crash and then he's put in a tube that makes it possible for the doctors to check on his brain, or something.  
And Carlos _doesn't_ hold his hand in the meantime, because how old is he, 12?!  
Thanks for nothing.

When they leave the hospital, Max discovers that he has 24 missed calls and Carlos has 15, the majority from Daniel and 3 from Lewis, of all people, and it leaves the Dutch somewhat clueless.

"I can't go back to our apartment, Chili! Dan will be there!"  
"Sí, and he's worried about you, _hermano_."  
Max shakes his head rapidly, kicking the curbstone with his feet.  
"He has no right to be worried about me! I'm not his boyfriend!"  
"You know, _technically_ , you could be."  
Max stares at Carlos as if he is out of his mind.  
"Just imagine, Max. If it _is_ you that has the false memories and _if_ you actually are in a relationship, have been for quite a while, then just imagine what Daniel is going through right now."  
Carlos cocks his head and his dark eyes soften, forcing Max to calm down.  
"But I don't _remember_ anything that has happened. I remember fights and arguments that apparently aren't even real, or are they? I don't think that Dan is right. We? In a relationship? You laughed when I first told you about that, remember?"  
"Yeah, but Dan _cares_ about you. He's worried. And even if he is making this up, then he is worried still. Be a friend and talk to him, I'm sure there's some way to figure out who is right about this."

Max _hates_ Carlos and he _hates_ how he is right most of the time, at least when their arguments don't include what belong into the bowl first, milk or cereal, and he _hates_ how he still follows the Spaniard's advice, despite the urge to just take the next flight and head somewhere far away from the Australian.

When he knocks on the door to their flat, because he's not the one with the key, the door gets opened almost immediately and while Max expects to stare into the older one's dark eyes, he finds himself face to face with a certain Brit.  
"Lewis?" he asks in disbelief and frowns when the older one steps aside to guide him inside.  
"Thank God, do you have any idea how worried Daniel is? Where the hell have you been?"  
Max stares down at the Mercedes driver, feeling like he has missed an important piece of the puzzle, until Dan shows up in the door frame to the living room, his phone dropping to the floor when he spots Max.  
With big steps, the Aussie crosses the space between them and Max isn't even able to react before Dan's arms come to rest around his body, pulling him into a hug while the older one buries his face in the crook of the Dutch's neck and holds him tight.  
"You're okay," Dan whispers against Max's skin, who stills in the other driver's arms, his skin growing hot where Dan is touching him.  
"You're okay," he repeats, softer this time, his lips nuzzled into Max's hair, his tone full of relief.  
"Where have you been?" Dan asks, finally letting go of the Dutch a little, his arms still around his back.  
"W-with Carlos," Max answers dumbly and feels Lewis' judging gaze roaming over him.  
"You didn't answer any of my calls, you were confused, I thought... Don't. Ever. Do. That. To. Me. Again," each word is punctuated by a punch of Dan's fist to Max's chest, but the movements are weak and the Aussie's hands are shaking.  
It's entirely on instinct when Max catches the older one's hands with his and holds them still, his thumbs caressing Dan's palms gently.  
Daniel looks at him with wide eyes that are full of hope, which causes Max's gaze to drop to their feet that are so close they touch.  
"I still don't remember anything."

Dan's hands fall down and a pained sound drops from his lips, while he takes a step back.  
Max witnesses how he shoots Lewis a gaze that's almost pleading for help.  
"Dan, are you really sure that it's me that's forgetting things? I've been to the hospital but they couldn't really help either. And why is Lewis here, anyway?"  
Not that Max doesn't like the Brit but since when are Dan and him so close that it's him that the Aussie would call in a situation like this one?  
Dan lets out a sigh and Max follows him when he walks back into the living room and sits down on the sofa.  
"Lewis has offered to help."  
The Brit nods along and smiles at Max, almost a little shy. It's an odd look on the Mercedes.  
"With what?" Max blurts out and the older drivers exchange _that kind_ of look once again.  
The Dutch repeats his question impatiently.  
"We'll get to that."  
"I suppose so," Max says and sounds bitter in a way that he doesn't intend to, flinching at his own words.  
"And before you're going to convince me that you're right, or what?"  
" _Or what_?" Lewis echoes and Max shoots him a dark glance that shuts him up.  
"Exactly."  
"Exactly?" Max pushes himself deeper into the cushions, frowning at the Australian.  
"Max..." the noise that Dan makes sounds almost like an amused chuckle but it doesn't reach his eyes, "do you really think that I'd date someone for over a year and not have any _pictures_ on my phone?"

Max forgets how to blink.

"Pictures..." he eventually splutters and eyes first Dan then Lewis, as if the Brit could bring some light into this.  
Dan nods, "Pictures."  
"I don't want to see any pictures!" Max shrieks in panic, feeling a knot forming in his throat that makes it hard to speak at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's evident that I have literally no clue of how real doctors would act, probably not like this, but it's fiction, so I hope it's alright haha.
> 
> I am overwhelmed by the reactions to my little story and I truly hope that I will be able to live up to your expectations.
> 
> What are your thoughts on Lewis as Dan's kind-of-best-friend?
> 
> Please leave a kudos/comment if your liked this ;)


	9. Wake up

"Listen," Lewis starts and the Dutch jumps a little, having somewhat forgotten that the Brit is even there, as Max is quite busy staring at the Australian.  
"Listen, Max," Lewis repeats and his dark eyes are guarded but friendly, "we have to start from somewhere. The pictures could help to bring back your memories."  
"Or parts of it," Dan adds quietly and Max flinches at the broken tone in his voice.  
"We?" he asks in surprise, still not really getting why Lewis is there in the first place, so he shoots both of the older drivers questioning glances.  
"Lewis has offered to help me with this," Dan explains, probably due to the confusion that is written all over Max's face.  
"And why Lewis?!"  
He ignores the offended look the Brit gives him and keeps his gaze fixed on Daniel, who is running a hand through his black locks.  
Max can't deny that Daniel has exceptionally nice hands.  
With the veins and the tattoo and all.

He mentally slaps himself.

"Did Lewis know of our relationship?"  
"No," Dan and the Mercedes driver shake their heads simultaneously, "but I did tell him that... we're more than just team mates."  
Max's eyes widen in surprise, as he wouldn't have thought that _Lewis_ , of all people, was the kind of person Dan would turn to.  
"I figured that Lewis would understand the struggles of being _close_ to your team mate."  
_Oh_.  
He eyes Lewis and the Brit stares right back at him, biting his lip subconsciously while Max frowns.  
"You and Nico..?"  
The older driver lets out a quiet sigh and his gaze drops to the floor for a second.  
"It's complicated."  
Max asks himself when it's ever _not_ complicated with those two but doesn't speak it out loud, for Lewis probably wouldn't answer honestly anyway.  
It takes a few seconds until the full impact of Dan's words hit Max but then his gaze shoots up, keeping Lewis on hold.  
"Does this mean you can confirm what Dan says? That he's right about this?"  
Lewis looks at Dan and nods.  
"I'm pretty sure, man. Why would've Dan lied to me about that? That wouldn't make any sense."  
Max knows that the Brit is right about that - and still.  
Not being able to trust one's own mind sucks.

Max inhales deeply and closes his eyes.  
"So... The pictures..." Dan says gently and when Max looks at him again, he is staring down at a phone in his lap, a small smile playing around the corners of his lips.  
Instinctively, Max turns to face Lewis but the Brit has leaned back, watching silently. He gives Max an encouraging smile, though.

"Don't worry, the pictures aren't explicit," Dan grins when he says that, in such a typical manner that it warms Max's chest and makes it clench at the very same time.  
" _That_ kind of pictures exist, though," Dan adds and his grin grows a little wider, if that is even possible and the Dutch nearly gulps.  
Dan gives him an apologetic look.  
Max growls.

Dan comes a little closer, leaning into Max's space.  
He doesn't say anything else before he turns his phone around and shows the younger one the image that sprawls on its screen, bright in the shadowy room.  
Max's breath goes still.

The photo is a selfie, not at all blurry but sharp as a blade. He's met by his own eyes, sparkling and happy, while his hair is disheveled and his lips curled in a playful smile. Only then his gaze wanders left and he nearly gulps, as he takes in how picture!Dan's cheek is leaned against his own, the skin of their faces touching, Dan's lips pierced and placed on Max's jaw.  
It leaves a weird feeling in his stomach, mainly because he can't believe how _happy_ he's looking in that picture, carefree in a way that he hasn't felt in a while.  
It's apparently Daniel that has taken the selfie and when Max takes a closer look, he spots that the picture is taken from above, as they are lying down.  
In a bed.  
Together.  
  
He can't help himself from shooting Dan next to him a glance, which is returned with a shy smile and worried eyes, and Max swallows hard.

"Do you remember when this was taken?" Dan asks softly and scans Max's face for an answer.  
He shakes his head slowly.  
The Australian's face falls but he collects himself quickly and runs a hand through his locks once again.  
Max follows the motion with a dry throat.  
"It was taken during the summer break last year. I took you to Australia," Dan's dark eyes roam across his face, "to meet my parents."

He had already met Daniel's parents?  
Max exhaled audibly.  
While his own dad apparently didn't even know of their relationship, Dan had taken him home to meet his family?

"I don't remember that."

  
_"What's up with your face?"_  
" _My face?"_  
" _Yeah, your face, Maxy. All worried and shit._ "  
" _Nah, you're seeing things, Dan."_  
" _Is this about meeting my parents?"_  
" _It certainly isn't!"_  
" _Naw, you're nervous! Admit it, Maxy!"_  
" _I'm not! Now stop kissing my jaw, it's distracting!"_  
" _You know that you want have to ask my dad for his permission..."_  
" _Ha ha, how funny you are, Ricciardo."_  
" _But one day, you might have to."_

Max jumps, staring at Dan with wide eyes while the images and words he has just witnessed echo in his mind.  
Was it a memory? Something that has really happened just like that?

Dan stares back at him, once again with so much hope in his eyes that it nearly kills Max to watch, which is why he can't tell the Australian about it, not yet, not when he isn't even sure if he has actually just had a memory flashback.

"You okay, Max?" the older driver asks and Max hurries to nod, not daring to meet Dan's eyes for the fear that he will see right through him.

Dan's words, his _own_ voice, repeat on his mind all over again, but it's not what he has said or HOW, but what really freaks him out is the feeling that came with them, his own emotions that bubbled up during the flashback, easy to grasp if only he had held on to them for a little longer.  
But Max doesn't even know if he _wants_ to hold on to them, for he can't deny any longer that he _was_ indeed in love with Daniel.  
But is this really what he wants?  
And then again, does he even have a choice?

When his gaze falls onto Dan again, he isn't so sure about that anymore.

The Australian clears his throat to get back his attention and Max looks at him expectantly, waiting for Dan to make a move.  
"There are more pictures, you know."

Of course there are.  
And Max could say no, he could stop this right now and here, to keep these emotions the last picture has evoked bottled up, but he is far too curious to let that happen.  
So he nods, takes a deep breath and waits for his team mate to show him another photo.

This time, Max's heart literally jumps a beat, as the picture shows his and Dan's lower bodies, clearly naked and clumsily hidden away by grey sheets, those that Max notices from a hotel he has been to a while ago.  
Baku? Barcelona?  
The angle indicates that Dan must have had his phone rested on his stomach or chest, perhaps scrolling through some apps while they were falling asleep.

  
_"Are you taking a picture?"_  
" _No, of course not!"_  
" _Yes, you are! Dan!"_  
" _Okay, so maybe I am. See? It looks cute."_  
" _Cute?"_  
" _Yeah, cute. Don't know what cute means?"_  
" _Yes, no, I mean- why would you take a picture of us? Dan? ... Dan?"_  
" _I-I don't know. I want to... I want to remember this, okay?"_  
" _Dan, do you... Is this... I mean, are we..."_  
" _I don't know, Maxy. Do you want us to be...?"_  
" _Yes."_

This time, the feelings hit Max even harder.  
They're raw and pure, exploding right in his chest, making his lungs feel too tight to take in any oxygen.  
But it gets worse when Dan doesn't wait for a reaction and scrolls to another picture.

It's another selfie, apparently taken by Max himself on Daniel's phone.  
They are in a car, one of those transporters for the team whenever there are sponsor events ahead, and Dan is sleeping on his shoulder, his lips parted slightly, drops of saliva wetting Max's shirt.  
It would be disgusting if it wasn't so damn adorable.

 _"Dan, wake up, we're in public."_  
"So what?"  
"Dan, I don't want anyone to know. 

The words alone make him sick.  
He's sounding cruel, denying Dan this tiny bit of public affection and it pains Max to know that this is how he behaves as a boyfriend, that this is all that Dan knows about him.  
How does he still love him? How can Dan be with him when Max is clearly such an idiot? When he hurts the Australian all the time?

Max gets up in a haze, ignoring the surprised sound that drops from Dan's lips and the protests from Lewis.  
He rushes out of the room and into their bedroom, opens the door of the attached bath and slams it shut behind him.  
There, he slides down against the cool tiles and hides his face away in his hands while the memories of that particular care right crash down on him.

  
" _Dan, wake up, we're in public."_  
" _So what?"_  
" _Dan, I don't want anyone to know," his voice is low, quiet enough to make sure that Dan is the only one to hear him.  
In annoyance, he watches how Dan finally opens an eye and shortly after another._  
" _No one will know, Maxy. People fall asleep on other people's shoulders all the time."_  
" _I don't care. This is MY shoulder you're sleeping on. And if anyone starts to suspect anything, it's over."_  
_Dan's eyes widen and he bats his eyes away from Max._  
_When he speaks, his voice is restrained, "Over?"_  
" _Our careers will be over, Dan," Max hisses and ignores the pain on the older one's face._  
 _Why can't Dan understand this_?  
 _Why doesn't he care about their lives, their careers, everything that Max has worked so hard for?!_

Max lets out a shaky breath and knows that he has fucked up. That there's no way in that he can make up for all this shit, especially since he still can't remember 99% of their time together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, I know, I just HAD to make this about brocedes... Because come one... None other F1 ship comes close to their dynamic. What's your favourite Formula 1 ship?
> 
> And oh god, I'm so excited for the Monaco GP but also so scared because we all know how Dan and (especially) Max are.
> 
> Plus the Norwegian skijumpers seem to be in Monaco for the race and I'm totally NOT okay, this is simply too much for just one weekend.  
> Oh, not to forget all the stuff with Charles and Jules, that rips my heart out.
> 
> Well.  
> I just hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did (also if you didn't) kudos and comments could save the day!


	10. First fights

Max is not able to tell for how long he has been sitting on the cool floor of their bathroom, just blankly staring at the wall across from him, mentally debating what he is supposed to do and if there is any way to actually remember all the things he has forgotten.   
He cannot ask Dan to show him more pictures for he is not sure that he would be able to keep his things together in front of the Australian.  
But Max _wants_ to remember, he _needs_ to.   
He has forgotten all the things that have made up his _life_ over the course of the last months, years even.   
The Dutch has to admit that he is scared.   
Scared as hell that he might not remember anything more soon, or worse, ever. That he will stay oblivious forever, haunted by the few snippets that the memory flashbacks, triggered by the pictures on Dan‘s phone, have brought back.   
And what would be with the Aussie and him if he didn’t remember? How could they be… _something_ … if Dan knows of their past while Max doesn’t know anything at all?   
Does not know of all the secrets they must have shared, their insiders, their _love_?   
He tries his best to breathe evenly, to inhale and exhale in a steady rhythm and not let the fear nor the panic overtake, but Max feels like he is getting lost in his own mind again, in these scenarios of which he can only suspect that they are true while he is too ashamed to ask Daniel about it.  
Dan would probably brush him off, tell him that it is okay, that there is nothing to worry about, because that’s just the kind of guy Dan is. Caring and comforting and just so very _kind_ that it makes Max feel sick all over again. Unworthy of the Australian’s affection.   
And ashamed doesn’t even begin to describe what he feels. He is embarrassed of himself, feels guilty of how he has apparently treated Daniel.   
He remembers how he has felt when the older driver had kissed him for the first time a few days ago, which had actually been just one kiss in a line of many but had felt like their first kiss nevertheless.   
He remembers how his heart had wanted to burst out of his chest and wouldn’t one want to scream it from the highest mountaintop?   
_Everyone look, the most gorgeous human being on earth loves me?_   
  
And Max does want to, he wants to pull Daniel into a hug in front of the whole grid, wants to kiss him on a podium and not give a single fuck, wants to hold the Australian’s hand during a press conference, pinkie fingers linked together, thighs touching.  
And at the very same time, there is this knot in his chest that forms immediately when he just thinks of it, that takes away his breath and makes tears sting in his eyes.   
He cannot do that. They are racing drivers. There are sponsors and cameras and journalists and all the people that would finally have a reason to hate them.   
And yet-…  
  
“Max?” Daniel’s voice along with the soft knock on the bathroom door make the Dutch jump and he hits his head on the sink he has been sitting under.   
Hastily, he wipes the tears from his cheeks and rubs his eyes.   
“Maxy?” Dan repeats and the younger driver opens the door carefully, not daring to look at the older one.   
“Thank you,” the Australian says when he steps inside and closes the door behind him.  
Max can feel Dan’s gaze on him but cannot meet his eyes just yet.   
“Lewis has left,” the other driver informs him quietly and Max just nods, not knowing what he is supposed to say. Dan must be seeing the wet tracks on his cheeks and he has probably heard him sniff as well.   
“Sit with me?” Daniel asks and sits down on the edge of their bathing tub, patting the place next to him.   
Max looks at the spot undecided for a couple of seconds until he gives in and takes the seat to Dan’s right.   
They sit there in silence for a few minutes, Max still staring at the ground, hyperaware of where his and Daniel’s thighs are softly brushing against another.   
“You don’t have to check on me, it’s fine,” Max says because he feels obliged to do so, not missing the worry and serious concern in the older driver’s posture.   
“Cut the bullshit, Max, of course I’m checking on you,” Dan replies and almost snorts, sounding seriously offended that Max has dared to say something like that.   
“You’re obviously not okay, so don’t tell me what I should do and what I shouldn’t.”   
Dan’s voice is softer now, careful and testing.   
“Of course I’ll check on you, you would do the same for me, after all.”   
Max has to swallow hard because Dan is obviously right. However, he still feels uncomfortable under the Aussie’s alarmed gaze, not knowing how to handle the kindness the older driver is treating him with.   
He still hasn’t got used to the way Daniel looks at him and it leaves Max wondering whether he is looking at his teammate in exactly the same way when he believes that Dan cannot see it. He supposes he does, which causes his neck to grow hot, a blush most certainly spreading on his cheeks that he tries to chase away by his willpower alone.   
Naturally, he is failing and the fact that Dan’s gaze drops immediately when he is looking at him again really does not help with any of it.   
So instead, Max tries to focus on the tiles on the opposite wall and not on the way that Dan is so close and yet so far away, his scent filling the Dutch’s nose.

“I’m sorry if I overpowered you by confronting you with the pictures. Maybe it’s too early.”   
Max looks up at the Aussie in surprise before his gaze drops once again.   
“Too early?”   
He can see Dan nod out of the corner of his eye.   
“No, what if it’s too late? If the doctors – if I – had sensed that something is wrong earlier on, then maybe I would remember things by now,” Max mumbles, suddenly caught up in the way Dan slides his palms together, the veins of his hands visible in the movement.   
Apparently, Dan does not know how to answer that because he remains silent.  
When the older one’s arm comes to rest around Max’s waist, he flinches but stops Dan from pulling back.   
“No, it’s fine,” he says and eventually lifts his gaze to look at his teammate.  
He feels Dan’s warmth, his arm around his waist and his fingers spread on his hipbone.   
“It’s nice,” he adds and he is probably blushing in an embarrassing shade of pink but he doesn’t care so much when Daniel beams at him, his smile so wide that it eases the knot in Max’s chest.   
“I think it’s nice, too,” Daniel replies and he tightens his half-embrace for a moment.   
The Dutch can feel himself leaning into the touch and against Dan’s side, eventually letting his head rest on the older one’s shoulder.   
Is this what it’s like to date Dan? Comforting hugs and genuine smiles, loving touches and that feeling of being safe in his arms?   
  
And Max feels guilty once again.   
“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, catching Daniel by surprise.   
“You’re sorry?” the older driver repeats and frowns.   
For some reason, Max wraps his own arms around Dan’s waist as well, holding him close. Maybe he’s afraid that the Aussie could run away.   
“Max…” Dan starts, the grip of his arm becoming a little tighter while the fingers of his free hand brush over Max’s chin, softly forcing the Dutch to look up at him.   
“You remember something, don’t you?”   
  
Max sees something flashing over Dan’s face, a wild mixture of diverse emotions.   
His throat is suddenly way too tight to speak so he simply nods.   
Dan closes his eyes and then his lips are on Max’s forehead, planting a comforting kiss against his skin.   
“Whatever it is, it’s fine, Maxy.”   
“No, it’s not!” the Dutch croaks out and Dan’s eyes widen.   
“It’s not okay, it’s not fine! I… I’m… you… Why am I like this?”   
Dan’s lips are parted in surprise and a deep frown appears on his face, but there is no confusion in his dark eyes so Max suspects the older one knows exactly what he is talking about.   
“Remember when we had our first real fight? After we started dating, I mean?” Dan asks and of course it’s a rhetorical question but Max shakes his head anyway, waiting for the Australian to continue his talk.   
“We weren’t dating for that long, back then. It was all pretty stupid, I guess,” Dan’s voice is low and he is staring at their feet, probably caught up in the memories of it.   
Max catches himself staring at the older one’s lips that are occasionally wetted by Daniel’s tongue slipping out and he is glad that the Aussie doesn’t seem to notice any of it.   
“It was after some race in Asia, I guess, when I didn’t let you overtake despite knowing you were faster. I was being an ass and you were furious about it. Which was understandable,” Dan lifts his gaze and smiles almost apologetically.   
“We were in the garage, bickering and arguing and Christian told us to stop acting like little kids.”   
Dan sounds somewhat fond of the memory when he continues speaking.   
“You threw him off by saying he should be glad we’re arguing because it means that we love racing.”   
When Dan’s eyes meet his, Max feels like the Australian is searching for something in his gaze, probably recognition that the Dutch cannot offer.   
But the images Dan’s words create in his mind do sound a little familiar, which is progress, Max thinks. He probably shouldn’t tell Dan yet, though.  
“I guess people always get heated up over the things they love,” Max mumbles and Dan stays silent but nods hesitantly.   
“It’s natural for team mates to argue after a race. It means that everyone is giving their best, doesn’t it?” Dan asks and shrugs, “but I also realized a few things back then.”   
“Yeah?”   
Dan’s face is open and unguarded when he speaks up again, facing Max, “I realized that it would never be ease with us, you know. That it would never be easy with you.”   
Dan sighs.   
“Racing is what you love the most. It’s what I love the most. Our passion, that one thing we’re made for.” His tongue dips out once more.   
“I realized that I would never be able to blame you for trying to protect that. For trying to protect what you love.”   
Max stares at the Australian, because in some way, Daniel is right of course.   
By his actions, he has been trying to protect his career, his racing, to keep doing what he loves but-…  
The acceptance in Dan’s eyes makes him sick and Max has to turn away from him.   
  
“Max, what is it that you remember?” Dan asks and his voice sounds hoarse, his eyes quickly scanning the Dutch’s face.   
Max’s arms around Dan’s waist lose up but the Aussie tightens their hug, his fingers drawing soothing circles on the younger one’s hip.   
“That time you fell asleep on my shoulder in the car. You remember? When I told you that I don’t want anyone to see it.”   
Daniel’s gaze drops but not fast enough that Max would have missed the hurt that lit up in his eyes.   
Max wants to punch himself. Or that younger version of himself.   
“I remember,” Dan whispers in a low voice.   
  
_Oh, of course he does_ , Max thinks. _Why would Dan forget Max hurting him like that?_  
He finds himself staring at the Australian. At how the smile that has been playing around the corners of his lips has vanished completely, his spine and shoulders no longer straight but slumped forward, eyes closed.   
_It's me that is doing these things to Daniel_ , Max thinks. _I’m responsible for Dan’s pain._   
The thought pretty damn well tears his insides apart.   
This is not what the Aussie deserves. This is far from it, actually.   
  
“I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can ever make up for it,” Max whispers, silently pleading Dan to look at him again, to let him in on the pain he is feeling and not shut him out, pretending that it’s all fine in order to not worry Max too much.   
Daniel’s gaze shoots up.   
“You’re sorry?”   
Max nods hastily, his cheeks wet once again.   
“I know that I hurt you by doing and saying those things,” he breathes, “there must be plenty of similar situations that I don’t remember.”   
And Max doesn’t think he ever _wants_ to remember these moments, given how he is already so ashamed of himself from the small part he already knows.   
Daniel’s voice is husky when he speaks, “We’re F1 drivers…”   
“But that’s no excuse,” Max mumbles, letting out a shaky breath, “that’s no excuse to hurt you like that.”   
“I’m older than you, Maxy,” Dan starts and the Dutch doesn’t know what that has to do with anything, “I’m older and thus I should be looking out for you. I wouldn’t have the right to drag our relationship into the light without knowing the full consequences this could have for your career.”   
“Fuck my career!” Max exclaims and Dan draws in a sharp breath, his body stiffening.   
Max isn’t quite sure whether he actually means what he is saying, if he is actually able to grasps what he just said, but all he knows is that he cannot hurt Dan like that anymore, that it would kill the both of them in the long run if he kept doing it.  
“Fuck my career,” he repeats, barely audible this time, meeting Dan’s gaze and holding it tightly, “fuck my career if you’re the price to pay.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first things first: I haven't updated in ages and I'm really sorry for it.   
> You know, there's this human being, Rafael Nadal, that took all my attention away from this story during the French Open and all I could write was tennis fanfics but now I can focus on this again, so here is the next chapter.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the incredibly kind comments I have received since I started this story. I truly hope that there will be some more to come <3  
> Johanna


	11. The final stage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something like the final chapter of this story, so I really hope you enjoy it!

"Fuck my career if you're the pice to pay!"  
  
Max doesn't know where _that_ is coming from but it's not a lie nonetheless. In fact, he feels relieved once the words have bubbled up his throat and dropped from his lips.  
Daniel is staring at him, his eyes in the dim light of the bathroom so dark that he cannot tell where the older one's pupils end and iris begins.  
"That's... Max..." Daniel says in a way that sounds disbelieving, as if the Aussie is of the opinion that Max should change his mind.  
"No, Dan, it's the truth," Max replies, doing his best to hold the other driver's gaze and get across how serious he is about this.  
"I love racing," he starts, running a hand through his loose strands of hair, "but I also-... I-..."  
His mouth feels dry all of a sudden and Dan's eyes drop, his lips curving up into a small smile while his long lashes let shadows appear on his cheekbones.  
"You don't have to say it," Dan whispers, his voice comforting and low.  
"Yet," he adds and his eyes full of hopefulness meet Max's once again, the playful smile still dancing on his lips.  
"Yet," Max echoes, feeling somewhat dumb when he does so.  
Dan's fingers are brushing over his knuckles and the Dutch doesn't hesitate to intertwine their hands, staring down at them.  
"It scares the hell out of me," he eventually admits, biting down on the inside of his cheek until it draws blood.  
"Us?" Daniel asks, his tone still comforting.  
Max hurries to shake his head. Then, he nods.  
"Partly, yeah. But not remembering all these things that have obviously happened... What if they don't come back?"  
"You know," Dan eventually says after he has been struggling to find words for a few seconds, "it could be worse."  
Max doesn't know what to make out of that answer.  
  
The older one tightens his grip on the Dutch's hand.  
"You're here. We're together. We're doing what we love. Well, not at the moment, but once we get the doctors' Go, we will be back in our cars. There will be plenty of memories to make on the road ahead."  
Max stares at the other man, simply stares and stares, because he is in awe of that human being, of Daniel who finds the right words and does the right things, who warms up his chest and leaves him less desperate.  
"I'll tell my dad," he splashes, not thinking of his words for too long because it is the first thought that has come to his mind.  
"What?!" Dan asks, sounding horrified and Max swallows.  
"I'll tell my dad."  
"What exactly do you think you gotta tell him? Max..."  
"No, Dan, this is important, okay? He's my dad."  
Dan's eyebrows shoot up while he isn't looking at Max any longer, whispering something that the younger one doesn't catch.  
"Max, I mean it, what do you gotta tell him? Is this..." he makes a gesture including the both of them, "are we even... a thing, officially?"  
Dan looks at him in a way that implies that he is scared of the answer, making Max wonder if that's a habit that he has picked up over the last years, fueling that painful knot in his stomach once again.  
  
And Max has to make up for it. He feels like he has to make up for all the things he has said and done over the last months that he doesn't even remember.  
And maybe that's his chance, isn't it?  
He'll finally do things right and stop hurting Daniel, he'll tell his dad and the world if necessary, if only that would drive away the sadness in the Australian's eyes once and for all.  
  
_**3 months later…**  
  
_ “That was a shitfuck of a move, Max,” Dan said, tossing his Red Bull cap into a corner of their garage while Max simply grins at him.  
“Maybe you’d be able to beat me just once if you were able to make such a _shitfuck_ , too,” he shoots back and picks up Dan’s cap, running a hand through the Aussie’s wild locks to mess them up some more. The older driver punches the Dutch playfully and draws back with an eye roll.  
“No, thanks.”  
“Your problem, then,” Max answers and shrugs his shoulders, casually letting his hand slide down the older driver’s back until Dan batts his fingers away with a reproachful glance.  
  
It is the qualifying of their first race back in their cars after Max had seen his doctors several times a week for months, eventually receiving their OK to start racing again. And while there have been small and steady improvements with Max’s memories, there are still huge parts of his past missing.  
However, Daniel had been right when he had said that it could be worse.  
The overwhelming joy of being back in his car, back on a race track, is more than Max had been dreaming of just a few months ago and to have the Aussie by his side adds up to it.  
“Come on, the press conference is waiting,” Dan whispered and pulled him along, his gentle fingers guiding Max through the Red Bull garage, resting on the small of his back.  
  
It is Lewis that has won the qualifying, meaning that he is the one who gets asked about the sessions first, but Max still feels all eyes on himself throughout the first minutes of the press conference, the tension in the air almost visible. It is what he has expected, what he has spoken about to Dan and the team countless times, but actually being here, waiting to face the question that he knows will come is so very different to just hypothetically thinking about it.  
When it is time, though, he catches Daniel’s reassuring gaze and takes a deep breath.  
“Max, you haven’t been seen with your dad, Jos Verstappen, for months now and everyone would have expected to see him here, at your first race weekend after the injury. Why isn’t he here?”  
  
Max remembers the conversation he has had with Daniel just a few hours ago, back in their shared hotel room, their legs tangled up, Max’s cheek resting on the older one’s chest.  
_“How does it feel?” Dan had asked, his fingers running up and down the younger driver’s bare arms.  
“How does what feel?” Max asked in return, too tired to be interested in a conversation. Plus, his neck hurt from the training sessions, his body not yet ready for the strain of actual race conditions.  
“To not have Jos here. Before this…” Dan placed a quick kiss on top of the Dutch’s head to make his point, “he was with you for all of your races, wasn’t he?”  
Max buried his face in his teammate’s warm skin and sighed deeply.  
“I don’t want to talk about him, Dan.”  
“I get that,” the Aussie answered but lifted Max’s chin to be able to look at him, “I think it’s important nonetheless.”  
Max looked at the other driver for several seconds before his gaze dropped.  
“I guess I miss him,” he eventually said and Dan remained silent, waiting for him to continue.  
“Well, not exactly but I miss how things were. When he still supported me. Or something alike…”  
Daniel’s fingers found the Dutch’s and he didn’t hesitate to intertwine them.  
“I’m sorry, Max. I truly am.”  
Max shrugged his shoulders and held himself up on his elbows, looking at his boyfriend.  
“It’s better this way. I’m happier now.”  
Daniel smiled and Max thought to see him blush, causing him to run the knuckles of his hand over the Australian’s warm cheeks.  
“And my mum and Vic are here. They’ve always been the better support, anyway.”  
“I’m glad you’re able to see that now,” Dan whispered and placed another kiss on Max’s forehead, this time a little longer, his lips brushing over the sensitive skin of the Dutch’s temples.  
_  
Despite the way his heart is beating in his throat, the Dutch gives Lewis a small smile when the Brit lifts his hand to his mouth, covering his lips with it, to whisper “you can do it”.  
“Ehm,” Max starts and his eyes find Daniel once again, the Aussie’s face open and supportive, giving him the courage to actually do this.  
“Unfortunately, I had to distance myself from my father as we didn’t agree on a very important topic in my life. He wouldn’t bother to see my side of things, so, yeah, that’s it.”  
There is confusion written all over the faces of the journalists and perplexed mumbling arises amongst them.  
Kai, a German journalist, is eventually handed the mic and coughs, clearing his throat.  
“On which topic, Max?”  
_Now or never_ , Max thinks and lets out a deep breath.  
“He couldn’t handle the fact that I’m gay.”  
The nervous mumbling dies down instantly and shocked silence is filling the small room but that actually does not get to Max, who cannot stop himself from grinning. God, how he hopes that his dad is watching this right now.  
And then, suddenly, the journalists start applauding and he feels Lewis hand on his back and he is proud of himself, because he’s not hiding any longer.  
He turns to face Dan, whose dark eyes are sparkling brightly, pride written all over his face.  
It is not really a hard decision to make when Max adjusts his microphone once again, not turning his glance away from the Australian.  
“And my dad also couldn’t handle that I’m in a relationship with my team mate.”  
Daniel’s eyes widen and his lips part, until he is grinning so widely that he has to bite down on his bottom lip in order to stop the smile from spreading, his cheeks flushed, black locks falling into his face.  
Max’s heart swells at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Here it is. The "final chapter" that is not actually the end because there will be one more, a bonus chapter if you want to call it like that. Can anyone imagine what it will be about? ;)  
> But the biggest part of my story is told at this point, leaving me both very happy and a little sad.  
> I love this work a lot and I am still in awe due to the incredible feedback I have received. Thank y'all so much for that! 
> 
> All the love,  
> Johanna


End file.
